The Diary Extracts of The Cullens
by l0st-b0nes
Summary: Something i've been playing with. It's an insight of the thoughts of the Cullen's. We see their real feelings on events that play out and how they wish to deal with oncoming problems!


This is a new idea I've been playing with. I'm going to start writing little diary extracts from each of the Cullen's. it's something I've wanted to write for along time; so we can see into their thoughts without Edward peeking in ;) also it's added to help get better in writing through different characters eyes. huzzah.

o0o

Rosalie

o0o

There are so many things I wanted in my life. I wanted a loving husband, who smiled at me sweetly everyday and said how much he loved me. Brought me flowers and kissed me goodnight. I wanted a beautiful home where I could bring my friends and be proud. To show off and raise a family.  
And that is what I wanted the most. A family. To be exact; a baby. I wanted a little girl, with long blonde hair and big blue eyes. Little dimples on her cheeks and chubby little legs. I wanted a little boy with a little crooked smile and fair hair; who loves to play in the mud and get dirty.  
And I know I would've been a good mother.

the best mother.

i didn't have to second guess that. But I was lucky in many senses.  
I found Emmett and saved him.

but he saved me in more ways than one. He loved me. He loved me like i've never been loved before. Of course I could only compare him to Royce and we all know that was not love. I was just his trophy.

Emmett let me be me and still loved me for it. Everyday he told me how much he adored me, how beautiful I looked and how amazing I was. & Wasn't that all I asked for? Yes.  
He is and will forever be my everything. But something is missing and it will be missing forever.

A baby.

Being stuck in an immortal body was never in my dreams what I wished to happen to me. I, I believe I was born to be a mother and now what.

I couldn't be the one thing i wanted to be most of all.

I couldn't be the one to bare Emmett a child and that hurt me. I know he says he doesn't mind but of course he wants a baby; but we know that can never be possible.

Two vampires cannot make a baby. We are both dead. i cannot grow and house an infant. And this brings me to Bella.

Oh Bella. i'd watched her from afar once, when we were in that stage of watching her fall all over the place and date Edward.  
I hated her - no - i envied her imediately.  
She was human. She could do, she could have all the things I wanted and yet, in her reaction to love, she wanted to give it all away.

How dare she even think such a thing? Does she not know the imensity she was giving up? Yes, yes, she says she doesn't want a child but what eighteen year old does?

sigh.

And then her and Edward lived their fairytale, got married and somehow, Bella got pregnant.

Just when I couldn't hate her more. She was able to carry a baby and I had to stand aside and watch her.  
She wanted my help, Edward was adiment that the baby was evil, of what could come from a vampire?  
But in the end, it was a baby. A little defenceless baby and I could not stand by and let Edward destroy something so.. beautiful.  
Their were risks, of course.

Bella could die.

How could I care so much when a little baby was also at stake? A child that has not even been born yet, that has not lived yet.

no.

i'd take care of her or him. I'd be their protector.

Renesmee was a beautiful baby. I'd cradle her, I'd feed her but then the same as everyday, I'd give her to Edward and watch him coo over his daughter; then Bella would join.. in her new found vampire form and they'd stand there all happy and wrapped in love.

A little family.

And all I could feel was jealousy and hurt. i'd look at Emmett and I wish that was us, with a child in his arms. He's be the best father, a wonderful, fun father. He has so much love to give and a child would be a way to let it out.  
And I lay here on our bed every night, not sleeping of course but thinking about the thoughts of a baby.  
Imagining a little Emmett or even a miniture of myself. And I could feel the warmth. the longing for that to be my reality.

I guess some of us were not meant to bare children; Or maybe we were but our paths got shaded by evil - in my case Royce.  
i wish everyday that I was human and that I could carry a baby, but that's not on the cards for me.

I vow to love Emmett everyday for, forever. I just wish i could share that love with our baby too.

R


End file.
